Breaking through the gate, and running rampant through
the property, might get me evicted.
The sight of a huge black horse tearing around in the
front yard almost scared the terminally ill property owner into her grave!
Even though my buddy left for three days for a show,
I am not allowed to jump out of the pasture and start galloping around the 120 acre farm out of control and screaming for
her to come back.
I am a pony.
I can not jump out of the arena, therefore I do not need
to run and buck going toward the barn when the gate is closed.
I am in a stall near the road, so I must not let myself
out to graze.
I am no longer going to jump out of my field, even if
it is to visit my neighbors.
I promise I will also show my human how in the heck I
manage to get under that fence, and never get shocked.
I promise not to jump out any more.
I promise not to jump out of my paddock (my old one used
to be surrounded by a 6' chain link fence and now it's just surrounded by a wood fence) and run around on 36 acres playing
tag with everyone who tries to catch me.
I promise not to jump out of my paddock.
I promise not to jump over the 3.5 foot board out of
the barn when there is only about 5 feet clearance, with my winter blanket half off and I am a big 17 hand horse.
I will accept the fact that fly spray benefits me and
quit trying to run off when my human sprays me with it.
I will no longer get down on my knees and go under the
stall guard when my human doesn't want me to.
I will not "blow through" my human's electric tape cross-fence
with all four hooves off the ground so I don't get shocked.
I will not attempt to let the geldings into my arena
from their paddock or to let myself out into the driveway.
I will not attempt to sneak out with the other horses
when they are being taken for a ride, furthermore, I will not freak out every time the other horses get to go somewhere to
I will not break my stall latch and pull my neighboring
mare's stall gate out of the wall and proceed to mate with her (all night long)
I will not break out of my hot wire paddock during the
night, letting my friend out too.
I will not break the top fence board into pieces with
long jagged shards by kicking at Andy.
I will not crawl under my stall guard when I am done
eating grain and consume every one else's, just because I am a midget Hanoverian and can do this.
I will not escape from my stall at night, destroy all
feed containers and pig out, and afterwards walk up and down the freshly cleaned barn aisle relieving myself.
I will not escape from my stall at shows just because
I will not escape from my stall in the middle of the
night and accidentally let the other stallion out, especially on Christmas Eve.
I will not escape from the pasture and run away to the
neighbors, free all their horses and going on an unscheduled field trip.
I will not escape from the pasture by doing the coon
jump just because I can. The ear-deficient, non-coon-jumping horses just stand there wondering how I got out.
I will not flee every time my human picks up the whip
from the arena-floor, especially not when there is not even a whip there.
I will not get out of my stall at midnight, go into the
shavings shed, and dig and poop in the shavings until they are a real mess.
I will not run along the fence and tease the mares until
they tear boards out of the fence trying to get at me.
And when you come in the morning and find me asleep
in the middle of the driveway, I will not jump up, run in to my stall, and look innocent.
I will not jump out of my pasture at 2 in the morning,
breaking the top board on the fence and then end up sleeping on my human's porch.
I will not jump out of the dressage ring.
I will not jump over the remaining boards and go running
past my human's window at 8:30 at night just as she is climbing into the bathtub and my human is out of town.
I am black and hard to see at night and my human is crabby
when she has to jump out of the tub and grab clothes in a hurry.
I will not let myself out of my stall and then lock my
human in the tack room.
I will not let myself out of my stall then go around
letting out my friends: one stallion and two mares.
I will not pretend the arena rail is a jump.
I will not pretend the neighbor's fence is a jump.
I will not pretend the pasture rail is a jump.
I will not pull the cross ties out of the wall and spook
and make my human chase me for three hours and view the damage with a look on my face like did I do that?
I will not push my way under the electric fencing. I'm
too big and it snaps.
I will not run down the gravel road the day after having
my feet trimmed (just because my human caught me going to see my friends), and when I know that she has worked all night long.
I will stay at home and wait for her to feed me, not
meet her half way.
I will not run out AGAIN and make my human catch me for
the second time while she is scrounging around in the dark looking for a board to fit the fence I broke and make her say really
I will not smash my human's foot when I realize that
there is power in the electric fence I just walked through.
I will not sneak under the electric fence during a heavy,
and cold, rain storm, and make my human have to chase me around for one and one half hours, in tall wet grass, until the human
is soaking wet, and then sneak back into the paddock.
I will not spring my stable mates, leading them up the
dry creek to see what's in the subdivision in the next county.
I will not take off and run through the fields that belong
to the man with the Dobermans, which he is not afraid to turn on me.
I will not try to pull or push down any fence to prove
I will not unlatch my stall door and wander the hallway
I will not untie myself and quietly follow my person
to the tack shed, do a good imitation of a total eclipse of the door and frighten her to death.
I will not use my teeth to open the top latch of my stall
door, then bang incessantly on said door with my hoof thereby causing the lower latch to vibrate and slide open, thus releasing
my naughty self into the barn aisle where I may freely harass the others and otherwise wreak havoc. I am not capable of being
I will not visit disreputable bars or nightclubs after
my Mum has tucked me into bed for the night.
I will not walk through my door any more. There are no
more places for screw holes.
I will not, when my human is leading me up to the barn
from the *muddy* pasture, wheel around, yank the leadrope out of her hands, give a little buck, gallop back to the very end
of the pasture in the muddiest spot, look at my human, and stick my tongue out.
I will stay inside the fence, even when all the others
leave, avoiding causing my human to chase me for 3 miles, with a bucket of grain while I prance about like a grand jumper.
I will stop escaping from everything.
I won't untie myself in the trailer so I can bug the
If I behave myself the entire time that my human is teaching
that obnoxious two year old colt to pony off of me, I have no right to try to bolt when she puts him away. Furthermore, when
she foils that attempt at bolting, I will not buck.
Just because I am easy to catch, I must not assume that
my corral mate is. If I must escape I will leave her in there where she belongs.
Just because I'm a jumper does not mean I must jump out
of my pasture.
Splitting the fence post and visiting the neighbors at
4:00 a.m. on a Sunday morning, and then playing you can't catch me" only annoys the humans.
We, as a herd, will not let ourselves out of the pasture
and run down the middle of the road, through traffic, to visit our friends at the dog kennel down the street. And if that
does happen again, we promise not to force our humans to chase us for 2 hours, corner and catch a few of us, and then the
rest of us bolt back to the farm and into our pasture.
We, as a herd, will not take advantage of deer tearing
our fence down so that my human has to spend an hour in 87 degree heat on foot chasing us back to the pasture and another
4 hours in the heat running new fence for us.
And we promise not to get out again in another spot while
my human has the fencer off and is repairing fence across the pasture.
We, as a herd, will not, when we escape from the pasture,
run to the neighbor's freshly plowed field to roll in the dirt.
When it is pouring rain and my humans take me into the
small corral where I will be dry, I will not run out the gate when my human takes off my halter, forcing him to try to stop
my by pulling on my tail. I will be nice and stop.
When my human's talented mule opens the big steel pasture
gate in the middle of the night in the middle of January when the temp is -20 and the snow is thigh deep, we, as a herd, will
not take advantage of the situation to go running through the neighborhood, causing my human to get out of her nice warm bed
to track us for 2 hours to find out that we won't allow her to catch even one of us, only to have her end up walking back
to the barn to bang on an empty feed bucket so we'll come home on our own. When this happens, my human gets very angry and
threatens to put us all in the freezer.