I am no longer a barrel racer, so I don't need
to act like it when being ridden along the side of a major highway.
I can walk down the middle of the trail; I can:
I can; I can. I don't have to walk into the ditch on either side.
I do not have to be in the front while trail riding.
I can walk with the slow horses, and I will not grind my teeth while doing so.
I promise, from now on when I am galloping in
the middle of the trail I will not go quick to the right and hit my human with that big branch ever again.
I understand that while on a trail ride, I must
not jump the seven foot fence meant to keep me out and then proceed to ride the mare inside said fence, while my human is
still riding me.
I will explain to my human how on earth I can
hold my breath and walk at the same time. Furthermore, I will cease doing this, and allow my saddle to be appropriately tightened.
(I've never seen a horse that could do this. She'll "blow up" when being saddled, but then when I walk her out, she somehow
manages to walk without letting the air out...I even tried to tighten it while someone led her forward...we have to trot her
to do it...)
I will learn to like going out alone without other
horse company...for really long rides.
I will not attempt to buck my human off just because
she won't let me run faster than the racehorse while out on a trail.
I will not attempt to perform a Capriole every
time I am asked to cross a stream.
I will not automatically start running as soon
as we turn towards home on a trail ride.
I will not canter on the spot on the way back
from a trail.
I will not do a 180 on a mountain trail that is
only 3 feet wide and almost straight down on one side
I will not drag my feet all the way to the point
I decide to spin when we go out alone without other horse company.
I will not follow my friends along on trail rides
when I know they have work to do.
I will not get down on my knees at every bridge
I come to praying my human Darrell won't make me go across.
I will not hyperventilate when my human asks me
to be the lead pony (out of two horses) for a minute
I will not insist on leading every group of horses
I may happen to pass on the trail, embarrassing my human who doesn't even know their humans.
I will not jump up and down in every stream I
come to making my slave extremely wet.
I will not kick when I am leading a horse.
I will not let my human ride me to the farthest
point from home, wait for her to turn me towards home and then buck her off, kick her and run for home while she stands there
and must return on foot.
I will not lie down in the grass with my rider,
even if I am shedding out and feel all itchy underneath my saddle.
I will not pause in my headlong charge up/down
an 85 degree hill just to check my human's balance.
I will not prance all the way home every time
we go out alone without other horse company.
I will not pretend to just be pawing and then
drop and roll in the middle of a stream.
I will not put both hind legs over a cliff causing
us to almost fall down it.
I will not rear or buck on the trails just because
they are making me work.
I will not refuse to go any further, and then
rear when my human makes me.
I will not roll in streams or lie down and take
a nap when humans are on my back.
I will not run off with a child on my back even
though we've been out on the trail for an hour & there were no fences to crib on until we came home.
I will not run my rider into trees, especially
eucalyptus which have all those little white sticky cone-shaped thingys that stick to clothes.
I will not run up to the butt of a horse with
a red ribbon on it's tail to see if they really do kick.
I will not scare the other trail riders by sticking
my head under water up to my ears everytime we come to a river or lake even though I simply wanted to rinse the sweat off.
I will not sidepass across the road in front of
a car and then rear up in front of it scaring the hell out of both my human and the car driver.
I will not sidepass into pricker bushes when my
rider is wearing shorts.
I will not sidestep while walking through a gate,
forcing my rider to become stuck on the gate and eventually fall off.
I will not spin around on the trail every time
we go out alone without other horse company.
I will not spook when I have to cross a bridge,
(with water under it), and my human is on my back. I will always show trust in the guys that built the bridge.
I will not stop in the middle of a 3 foot creek
to buck my rider off and then going across the water to watch my human get carried down the creek.
I will not toss my head and prance sideways down
the trail just because the other horses are a little further ahead of me than I would like.
I will not try to bite any other horse that tries
to walk beside me on the trail.
I will not try to canter through two trees that
are only two feet away from each other with my human on me.
I will not try to go over the cliff even if it
is the quickest way to the barn.
I will not try to knock my strange rider off my
back by walking under a branch barely 1 mm above my ears.
I will not try to pass the lead horse.
I will not turn around and bolt up to the barn
with an inexperienced person on me.
I will not walk faster on the way home than I
did on the way out.
I will not walk on the edge of the trail that
borders the cliff.
I won't do flying lead changes every fifteen seconds
while on the trail just because my rider showed me how to do them and they are so much fun.
I won't lie down in the stream when I am tacked
If my human had wanted a pile driver, she would
have bought one. She bought me, because she wanted a SMOOTH ride! (When she's nervous her trot pounds like a pile driver on
Just because I am an Arab from the desert and
the only water we saw there was the ocean does not mean that I can use that for an excuse not to cross this little stream.
Manzanita branches do not give. (She jumped sideways
into a manzanita bush and the result
was a deep three inch tear in my upper arm. I
don't how much I bled before I could get to the barn to butterfly it.)
My human is fragile, running her into trees is
not a good idea, she could get hurt.
On the trail, I will not stop dead, spin around
causing both my saddle and rider to slide to the side, then gallop at top speed towards home (my rider being dropped on the
ground on her face with her mouth open), even though I know very darn well that the gate is closed and I won't get fed for
another five hours and I don't even have any buddies in my pasture.
Streams are my friends.
Throwing a hissy fit because they unloaded the
other horse at her home, but left me in the trailer will not get me my way-furthermore, it will result in my being tied short
instead of being allowed to move around and look out the back of the stock trailer.
When I am out on the trail with another horse
I will not hyperventilate because there is snow falling off the trees onto my nose.
When I get the chance to be ridden in a semi-private
lesson with my girlfriend, I will take every chance to look good. This does not mean spooking at someone bringing my rider
a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or stopping before the ditch before leaping down with all four feet pulled up against my
When I want to go to the barn I will not turn
sharply and take the mad dash through the small, rider head high, pine trees while practicing for the next rodeo. This could
hazardous to both my rider and me when she catches me.
When my rider is leading me past the cryptorchid
gelding coming back from the cross-country ring I will not humor him just because he's soooo handsome. He can't have foals
with me, so I will not stop and pee while staring at him with adoration in my eyes.
When on the trail, I will not pretend like I will
go on one side of the tree, and then go on the other, causing my human to fall off.
While galloping along a forest trail, I will not
test my rider's balance by suddenly turning 90 degrees into the forest - without giving any warning.
While galloping steadily along a forest trail,
I will not perform a stiff leg, two bounce stop giving my rider whiplash and forcing him into the pommel of his English saddle.