After I have had a chance to rest after the parade, I will not continue
to rear and buck throughout my Human's English Riding and Training final. I wasn't the least bit tired, and was just being
obstinate, because I only did it when she wanted me to stand quietly for a moment. As soon as she pointed me at the jumps,
I took off like a pro hunter and flew over them.
After I load into the trailer and we arrive at our destination,
I will also back OUT of the trailer.
During a trail ride, I will be good and not cause undue stress on
the horses near me from over excitement.
Even if I am bored on the trailer, I will not tear off the halter
fuzzies on the horse standing next to me.
Even though I may be itchy and hot, I understand that I must not
lie down and roll when my human is on me and we are in the ring at a horse show. Although this amuses the audience, it does
not amuse my human, and she is the one buying the hay.
I am not a rodeo bronco. I will not behave like one in a horse show.
I can go slower then full speed when I go to horse shows.
I can not scare the trailer by rearing at it. Hitting my head on
the roof of the trailer only hurts me.
I have been to several shows. I will not use the first ride in the
schooling ring at every show as an excuse to run like an idiot and buck in front of everybody. I have shared a ring with other
horses before and I do every day at home. Running and bucking is not acceptable at a hunter show and it embarrasses my human
when they announce on the loud speaker that people should be careful with children because there are several green horses
at the show.
I promise I will listen to my human while out on a trail ride instead
trying to eat every blade of grass or leaf I see.
I promise I will not dump my human as she mounts me at a dressage
clinic in front of all the spectators and the Grand Prix clinician, forcing my owner to longe me for 10 minutes while I scream
at all the other non-humans in the vicinity, as if I have never been ridden or schooled or left the barn in my life before.
I also promise not to spook at a dog outside the arena and then tear around the arena so that the spectators think they are
lost and watching a rodeo, not dressage. I also promise not to go perfectly on the bit the next day at home to make my human
even more annoyed.
I will get into the trailer the first time I am asked, instead of
planting my feet, growing roots and assuming the facial expression of Eeyore the mule.
I will go into the arena, even if the jumps look different.
I will learn to drink from a different water bucket
I will learn to go to the bathroom in front of others at horse shows.
I will learn to love the trailer.
I will learn to stand quietly and patiently by the judge's stand
and let my human take the water bottle that the little girl in the stand is handing her. She needs that water so she doesn't
get heat stroke and pass out.
I will never again ruin my chances of winning in a western Pleasure
class by throwing my head so high that I almost hit my human in the face the very last time they ask me to lope when we were
a shoo-in for 1st.
I will never stop in trail class and poop on the tarp. Nor will
I forget what "whoa" means while side passing and ram my rider's knee into the mailbox.
I will never, ever fall asleep in showmanship class, nor in halter
I will not act so "anxious" to get into the ring that the steward
stops us at the in-gate to be sure my human can control me.
I will not attempt take my own ribbons (in my mouth) at shows.
I will not attempt to eat above-mentioned trailer resulting in lots
of scratches and dent marks.
I will not attempt to paw my way out of my human's new trailer the
first time I ride in it leaving nice dents on the outside on which the paint falls off.
I will not become so maniacal in the show stall when my human leaves,
that show management considers getting a vet to shoot a tranquilizer dart at me during the middle of the night.
I will not bite my human's butt when she is picking my feet out,
giving her a huge hole in her pants 5 minutes before a show.
I will not bite the butt of the horse in front of me.
I will not buck Mum off into the portable stalls.
I will not chew on a towel before I go into the ring at an "A" rated
horse show and not let go of it.
I will not continuously rub my bottom on the truck causing it to
bleed and blister just before a major show.
I will not do everything perfectly when I'm warming up for a lesson,
but the second my trainer sets foot in the arena become an absolute mess, and get my human yelled at.
I will not do my happy trailer dance and make everyone in the truck
seasick because I like going for rides in the trailer.
I will not eat the clippers when my human is rushing to get me ready
so she can go to bed at 1:00 AM.
I will not eat the plastic flowers in front of the judges at 'C'.
I will not embarrass my Auntie Jenny by refusing to park trot until
we accept our ribbon and are leaving the ring.
I will not get bored in the trailer, and decide to start to "rock
I will not insist on running over the photographer when they are
trying to take my picture.
I will not jump all over the judges during a halter class when I
have to trot. Especially when I don't do so at home.
I will not leap off the trailer even though I am happy to get off.
I will not lie down in the trailer.
I will not pee while waiting in the ring to have my name called
to accept my ribbon.
I will not pull back when tied to the trailer, because I now know
that this will overturn it.
I will not rip off an exhibitors number with my teeth as my human
talks to another exhibitor.
I will not rub my braids.
I will not rub my mane after being braided and rip out the braid;
hair and all.
I will not rub out my tail 5 minutes before my class.
I will not scare the beejeezus out of my human, Natalie and others
by deciding to "turn myself out" while attending a horse show. I apologize, but I did think that after 3 days of no turn-out
it was time for some play.
I will not shake and toss my head when it is braiding time.
I will not sit down in my trailer like a dog. I have been standing
most of my life, so I can stand on trailer rides.
I will not stand in the pasture and holler my heehaw/whinny when
I see the trailer leaving without me in it. I DO not have to be in that trailer every single time it leaves the barn.
I will not throw my human and run bucking around the ring for ten
minutes, refusing to be caught, and making the entire show run 10 minutes late.
I will not try to eat parts of my costume off of my body in costume
I will not try to kill my slave when I have to pick up a rain slicker
in a trail class.
I will not try to outrun the others during a Western Pleasure class.
I will not untie myself in the trailer and then torment the horse
next to me by biting him the whole way and giving him nasty scratches right before the show.
I will not wait for the show to refuse to get on the trailer.
I will not wait until some of my favorite people are at a show,
and then revert to the most primitive horse instincts by thundering sideways across the ring, nearly knocking down the judge
in the process. This is not how my human wants me to impress people.
I will stop slobbering on my human's hand during halter and showmanship
I will try not to prance right after I come out of the ring with
a clear round when everyone is trying to tell my human how well she has done.
I will try to relax on the trail.
I will walk a true straight line on the reverse walk and not take
the judge out.
I will walk onto the trailer without dancing.
I won't stand in the middle of the road, refusing to move, while
a dump truck approaches me
I, at the age of 25, after being hauled all over for years, will
not suddenly decide that I've never seen a trailer before, and jerk my human's arms off at the shoulder.
Just because Ellie gets the whole back of the trailer to herself,
and, therefore, gets out first, does not mean I can go through the escape door when she leaves me.
Just because I am asked to lope clockwise and my human gets her
friend to "haze" on Thunder so I stay on the rail, I do not have to go into race-horse mode and take off so I can out run
him and then veer into the middle of the arena. I almost unloaded my human.
My human knows how fast and well I can pivot and spin. I do it often
enough when she doesn't want me too. I can show her instructor how good I am as well when she asks my human for a pivot.
My new two horse trailer is nicer than my old four horse and I can
load onto it.
No matter how hot and itchy I am, and how sandy the show ring, I
know that it is BAD to drop and roll while waiting to jump in hunter hack.
On the night before the day of the Inspection at camp I will not
cut myself on the fence, and be disqualified.
The bell is not an alarm warning.
The judge will not kill me. The judge is my friend.
The padding on the trailer walls was put there for my comfort. I
will not rip the stuffing out in large mouthfuls.
The trailer is my friend.
Those rubber mats on the trailer walls were put there so that I
would not hurt myself. I will leave them there.
When asked to canter I will not: buck, slam my weight and my rider's
leg into the arena wall, spin circles, or slam on the brakes.
When I am at shows I will not refuse to take my right lead.
When I am being shown western I will not use my fast trot rather
then my western jog.
When my human attempts to make me move somewhat straight and true,
I will not then decide to rear, twist, and buck right in front of the judges' stand, causing my human to give a rare display
of riding skill and making the judges feel she had really earned that first place trophy. While the crowd loved the show,
it scared the judges nearly to death.
When my human leans over to pick my feet while I am eating breakfast,
I will not sneak alfalfa hay under her jacket
When the judge asks me to back up I don't back up in to their face
and kick them.