I (a police horse) will not remove my human's very expensive
portable radio from its pocket or holder by the antenna and drop it on the concrete.
I promise never to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over
while my master is mucking my stall (my friend's horse does this all the time)
I will never try to pick up an idling chainsaw and carry
it away. I am not a lumberjack.
I will not act like a dumb brood mare, when in fact I
am smart enough to know the day my hormone shot is due. I will not pick up my rubber feed tub and pull it away from my human
and the needle I know is hidden somewhere. (Even if it makes her laugh so hard that someone else must give me the shot.)
I will not attempt to untie, de-halter, &/or chew
on another horse while they are being tacked up.
I will not dump the full manure cart all over my nice
I will not follow my human into the tack room.
I will not freak when Neosporin is being rubbed on my
cut teats and jerk my head, ripping down two 2x4s off the fence.
I will not grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt
to lead myself.
I will not grab the curry comb from my human and begin
to brush her.
I will not hold in my tail as hard as I can while my
human is trying to braid it. Even though it hurts!
I will not ignore my human when she tries to drive me
away so she can nail up a new board and instead bite her head and pull her hair every time she looks down to hammer.
I will not pick up my human's 3-pound fencing sledge
and carry it across the pasture.
I will not pick up my human's fencing bucket and carry
it across the pasture.
I will not play the "Buck n Bolt" game around the pasture
for an hour when my human really needs to get me to class. She really got chewed out for being half an hour late. Besides,
I normally put my head into the halter for her and I still couldn't wait to get going when she DID catch me!
I will not prove how quick that "quick release" knot
I will not pull on the back of my human's expensive custom
chaps while she picks my feet.
I will not remove all the tools from the cart.
I will not stick my head and neck in to a vehicle (just
being friendly) when my rider is engaged in conversation with the driver.
I will not upset the manure cart.
I will step onto the mounting block along with my slave.
If you leave the muck rake leaning against the fence,
I will not pick it up and re-rake all the nice little piles. (I wish I had my camcorder...I could have won the funniest home
My ears will not fall off if I let my human put fly repellent
gel in them.
Pulling the cross ties out of the wall and making the
human chase me for hours on end is not acceptable. Next time I don't want the bridle, I'll just spit the bit out.
When my human asks me to back up a step so I will be
off the lead rope, I won't slide my foot so the rope gets dragged through nasty stuff. I can pick up my foot, I've done it
When the human is attempting to get an accurate estimate
of my weight with a weight tape, I must not "blow up". This might cause her to give me an overdose of wormer.