Ever have the problem of catching a ride with someone whose car doesn't have much of a back seat? At times
like these, it is important to know the rules of calling shotgun. Never again will you let someone take advantage of you because
you don't know the rules.
Section I General Rules
1.) The first person to yell "SHOTGUN" gets to ride in the front
seat.
2.) The remaining back seats may be divvied up in the same manner
by being the first to call "back right seat", etc..
3.) The word "shotgun" must be loud enough to be heard by at least
one witness. If no witness is to be found, or in case of a tie, the driver has the final word. After all, it is most likely
his car. (note: if it isn't his car, and the owner is present, the owner's decision is final. Owner must be sober, however,
or he will defer his judgment to the driver.)
4.) Everyone must be outside of the building (including the driver)
before shotgun may be called. Under no circumstances may a person call shotgun inside a building. For sake of simplicity,
the garage is considered to be outside.
5.) A person may only call shotgun for one way of a trip. There
is to be no calling front seat for both ways at the same time.
6.) Being as how everyone is created equal, men have the same right
as women to the front seat of the car. I.e. women don't own the front seat.
7.) One is allowed to ride shotgun as many times as he can call
it, but for himself only. No one can call shotgun for their slower friend, unless the friend has a speech or mental handicap
that prevents them from calling it for themselves.
Section II Special Cases
1.) These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered
in the order presented; the case listed first will take precedence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.
2.) In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk
or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun.
3.) If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle
is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
4.) In the instance the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired
prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline.
5.) In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill
during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should
be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window.
6.) In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given
location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun,
unless they decline.
7.) In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall
to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively,
the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the
back.
Section III The Survival Of The Fittest Rules
If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival Of The
Fittest Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting 1.4, are suspended and the passenger seat
is occupied by whoever can take it by force.
The driver must announce the institution of the Survival Of The
Fittest Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the
damage done to the vehicle.
Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there
are any arguments or exceptions not covered in these rules, please refer to rule 1.4.
