You can't visit relatives without getting mud on your tires.

You have a hefty bag for a passenger-side window.

You ever cut your grass and found a car.

You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the bingo hall because of her language. You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.

You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald's bags currently in the floorboard of your car.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell.

" The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

People hear your car a long time before they see it.

The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.

You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

MOTEL 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.

Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.

You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.

You have a rag for a gas cap.

You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.

You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.

After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.

All of your four letter words are two syllables.

Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.

Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You have grease under your toenails.

The directions to your house say "Turn off the paved road.

" When packing for vacation, your biggest decision is whether to use paper or plastic.

You have trouble with people parking under your truck.

You've ever driven across a pond.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.

Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police.

You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug-zapper entertainment.

You've ever parked a car in a tree.

You consider old car parts nailed to a wall "Modern Art.

You've ever sold moonshine as a dual purpose gas additive.

You consider Ford blue, John Deere green, and primer grey as the three primary colors.

The only tools in your car are a pair of pliers, a large flat-tipped screwdriver, and a hammer. Smog warnings are issued by the local when you drive into town.