15) After each caution, the car will run the opposite way ... caution - clockwise - caution - counter clockwise
- caution - clockwise ... etc.
14) Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a passenger ... preferably a sumo wrestler ...
for extra weight.
13) Potty pit stops during a half time.
12) No more champagne in Victory Lane. A special Jeff
Gordon whine will be used.
11) The 'wider is better' Pontiac will be narrowed since NASCAR has discovered the reason
Pontiac widened the car was to accommodate Tony Stewart's ego.
10) Races will be shortened to 7 laps so Darrel Waltrip
can finish on the lead lap on at least one of his final races.
9) There will be a 15 minute half time break so Benny
Parson can get a snack ... better make it a 30 minutes.
8) Cars with handicapped plates shall pit in specially marked
blue pit stalls.
7) Depends Undergarments announced it will sponsor a car for the 2001 season. For the betterment of
the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick Trickle to be named the driver.
6) To ward off an approaching sexual discrimination
lawsuit, NASCAR mandates at least one member of each sexuality will be represented on each team ... Male, Female and Kenny
5) Top speed is out! The cars starting positions will depend on how pretty the car is. If it's ugly they will
vote on who gets provisionals, the ugliest car goes home.
4) To save the Inspectors time, Jeremy Mayfield's car will
automatically fail inspection each week and the team will be fined $25,000.
3) Mike Skinner will start backwards so
when he spins he will be facing the right direction.
2) The winner of a race will be determined by who picked the winner
in NASCAR ROCKS ... if no one picked a winner, straws will be drawn ... the straw draw also holds true for second on back.
Because of Political Correctness, no discrimination against the handicapped will be permitted. This shall be called the Kenny