Don't make company sleep on dirty sheets. Give them directions
to the Laundromat.
It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have
the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.
Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially
on the first date.
Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
Teach your children proper telephone etiquette. Nothing
is more embarrassing than hearing Junior say, "We ain't seen Daddy in eight days, and Mama's too drunk to come to the phone."
At a baby shower, never ask, "Do you have any idea
who the father is?"
Never take a beer to a job interview.
The socially refined never fish coins out of public
toilets, especially if other people are around.
If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change
One should tip a valet extra if he has to push or
jump-start your car.
Always identify people in your yard before shooting
When leaving town for the weekend, parents should
not board their kids at the local kennel.
At a funeral, when viewing the body, never say, "He
looks so natural like he just got drunk and passed out."
No matter how broke you are, never take your date
flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.
Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone
Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.