Tips For All Southern Occasions

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Don't make company sleep on dirty sheets. Give them directions to the Laundromat.

It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

Teach your children proper telephone etiquette. Nothing is more embarrassing than hearing Junior say, "We ain't seen Daddy in eight days, and Mama's too drunk to come to the phone."

At a baby shower, never ask, "Do you have any idea who the father is?"

Never take a beer to a job interview.

The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

One should tip a valet extra if he has to push or jump-start your car.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

When leaving town for the weekend, parents should not board their kids at the local kennel.

At a funeral, when viewing the body, never say, "He looks so natural like he just got drunk and passed out."

No matter how broke you are, never take your date flowers that were stolen from a cemetery.

Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.

Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.