Rules And Warnings For Yankees
If yew forget ah Texan's name, refer tew him
as "Bubba". Yew'll have ah 75% chance of being right!
Jus' because yew can drive in thuh snow and
ice ain't gonna mean we can. Stay home thuh two days of thuh year it snows.
Don't be surprised tew find movie rentals,
hamburgers and bait in thuh same store.
Save all manner of bacon grease. Yew will
find out why below!
If it ain't fried in bacon grease, barbequed
or grilled, it ain't worth eatin'!
Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All Y'all" is
plural and "All Y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used tew hearing, "Y'all ain't frum 'round
heah, are yew?"
There ain't nuthin' sillier than ah Yankee imitating
ah Texas accent, unless it's ah Texan imitating ah Boston accent.
Folks walk ah lil' slower heah!
Don't be worried if yew don't understand folks
down heah. They ain't gonna understand yew either!
Thuh "He Needed Killin'" defense is valid down
If attending ah funeral in Texas, remember,
we stay until thuh last shovel of dirt is thrown on and thuh tent is torn down.
Yew can ask a Texan for directions, but unless
yew already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, y'all are ah whole lot better off trying tew find it yerself.
Most Texans dew not use turn signals and
they ignore folks who dew. In fact, if yew see ah turn signal blinking on ah car wuth ah Texas license plate, yew may rest
assured that it was on when thuh car was purchased!
Final Warning: Don't Mess With Texas Drivers!