Tips for Northerners moving
1. Save all manner of
bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's
name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive
on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into
a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack
of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live
5. Don't be surprised to find
movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. If it can't be fried in bacon
grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
7. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
"All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
8. Get used to hearing, "You
ain't from around here, are you?"
9. People walk slower here.
10. Don't be worried that you
don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
11. The first Southern expression
to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'",
as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression.
One hundred percent are in denial about it.
12. The proper pronunciation
you learned in school is no longer proper.
13. Be advised: The "He needed
killin'" defense is valid here.
14. If you hear a Southerner
exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last
words he will ever say.
15. Most Southerners do not
use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking
on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
16. The winter wardrobe you
always brought out in September can wait until November.
17. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of