This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter our Great State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast
than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure as heck deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. Its a cartoon. We got over it.
Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your ass jack-slapped... By our women.!
5. Go ahead
and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
10-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Tell your kids to pull up their pants. They look like idiots.
that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it out of your hand. You better
hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth
for what you paid for that shot in the airport at New York, Boston, Chicago, or L.A.
9. High School Football is as
important here as the Lakers and the Knicks... and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian
Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
11. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets
of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
12. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice , and plenty of it! If it's the other kind, you won't like the kind of straw I'll stick up your nose.
13. You bring "Hooch" into my house it better have 4 legs, a tail,
and have a nose for quail, dove, duck, teal, or pheasant.
14. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house she better be cute, know how
to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
15. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have sixty thousand dollar tractors that we drive two weeks a year.
16. Let's get this straight. We have one stop
light in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
17. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because
they want to. Our women are some of the best looking in the country. Oh, you're a feminist. Well aint that cute.
18. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless
19. Yeah, we eat catfish--crappies, too--and bass. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the
corner bait shop.
20. They are pigs, cattle, and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money
to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 20 goes two ways - Route 75 heads straight North. I-40 and I-10 go east and
west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
21. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
22. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
23. Yes we shoot the doves. So they're songbirds. We like something besides beef once in a while.
24. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
25. Trucks are made to get dirty. Don't bring your Eddie Bauer Limited
Edition to my huntin' camp and expect to leave clean on Sunday. It won't happen.
26. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables, and breads. We use three spices- salt, pepper, and Tabasco Sauce!
27. Colleges? Try Texas A&M, or Tarleton State. They come outta
there with an education and a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the
28. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other
state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
29. Our Military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man,
woman, and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.
30. Also, remember what Governor Sam Houston once said, "Texas can
make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas.