A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought to be a member
of Homo Sapiens due to physical similarities, though social and emotional behavior leads many researchers to consider Teenagers
to be a completely different species altogether. Very territorial.
are extraordinarily social animals, seeking contact with their peer groups to such a great extent they will forgo family,
chores, food, and responsibility. The males of the species forage for food constantly and can consume three times their weight
every day. When in full plumage, the males are usually drab, marked by loose fitting garments which slide off their backsides
and look ridiculous.
females, on the other hand, sport striking colors under their eyes, throughout their hair, and on the tips of their fingers.
Females often attract males by wearing garments to accentuate chest development. Males indicate their approval by staring
at the display. The call of the female is complex and shrill: "Like, O m'Gosh! O m' Gosh!" Males are less vocal, signaling
to other males with a salutatory "Yo. Yo. Yo. S'up? S'up? S'up?"
line their nests with discarded undergarments. The females hold telephone receivers to their ears an average of six hours
a day. When challenged for possession, they snarl and warn intruders, "I'm doing my HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK. My HOMEWORK." The
males lie immobile for hours at a time, conserving energy and listening to violent electronic signals from radios. Male Teenagers
concentrate on important information by rolling their eyes, shrugging, kicking dirt and sighing. Females burst into tears
and slam doors. Many Homo Sapiens families have a host-to-parasite relationship with one or more than one Teenager. These
host families often develop a resistance to the parasite, rejecting them some time in the eighteenth year of life. Often,
though, this rejection is merely theoretical, with the Teenager continuing to live off of the host Homo Sapiens family for
many years afterward, often at great sacrifice.
Of, relating to, and especially EXPLAINING irrational, intolerable, or inexplicable behavior. ("She's a Teenager.")
A request for sympathy, offered by adult parents to each other in support. ("I have a Teenager at home.") Often accompanied
by sighs, head shaking, tongue clucking, and shoulder shrugging.