The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase
of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the
5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
When the pastor says, "I'd like
to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized
as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive Ford truck because "It
ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
Boone's Farm "Tickle
Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
Baptism is referred to as "branding."
There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
The baptismal font is
a #2 galvanized washtub.
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.
The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.